Boundaries for Mealtime: Picky/Selective Eating Tips

Look familiar?

If you have a picky, selective or finicky eater I'm sure it looks ALL too familiar. Rest assured, you are not alone. 

One of the most important things I do as a feeding therapist is to help families bring peace back to the table while we are working on whatever issues are causing the picky eating. 

No matter the reason for the picky eating, we must begin to repair the damage that has been done from months or years of mealtime battles. 

So, how do we even begin to bring the trust and peace back to the table? 


By setting boundaries for both the child AND the parent. 


Boundaries, when used appropriately, are very effective with picky eaters because they allow the picky eater to learn what will be expected of them at the table {which will be very different than the past} AND it allows the parent to relax and focus on something other than how many bites their child is taking at the table. After some time {it will vary for each individual child/family} there will be far fewer battles at the table and the child will be adding to their food acceptance list. 

So, how do we set boundaries?

First, we always make sure that there is a food or two on the table that the child WILL eat
~YES, this means that it may only be crackers, bread, milk or water. 

Next, we are NOT ALLOWED to say "take a bite, try this, smell this, just two more bites" etc...we do not comment on each other's plates or choices. We simply enjoy the meal. 
~YES, this WILL be difficult. Go with it. TRUST the new boundaries. EVERYONE in the household or at the mealtime should be respecting these boundaries. 

Next, when/if the child begins to say "I won't eat that. I don't want that" you are firm and clear in your answer without giving too much attention to it. Say "That's fine. Choose something you'd like." {because there is ALWAYS something on the table they like}. Let me be clear here...you are NOT becoming a short order cook and fixing whatever the child likes that day. You are simply always having something on the table they WILL eat. Something as easy as milk, crackers, bread etc.. The picky eater must learn that it is fine to not want or try something on the table , but they will not be indulged with whatever they want {short order cooking}. Further, they will learn that there will not be a battle at the table because there IS something they like on the table. It is recommended that you are on a consistent meal/snack schedule so the child has an opportunity to eat again within a reasonable amount of time.

Finally, you follow these boundaries for EVERY meal. You follow these boundaries even when you don't see changes immediately. Trust takes time and many children and families have had such a horrendous experience with food and mealtime that it will take time to rebuild trust and repair their relationship with food. 

Be patient. 

THIS is where we must begin. We can not move forward with treating picky eating if we can not rebuild the trust around food. The only way to do this is by setting respectful and clear boundaries for both the child and the parents. 

If you need more information on learning how to set clear and respectful boundaries at your table, please contact me. 

Jen

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