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Top Toys & Activities That Build Emotional Regulation Skills

11/9/2016

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Today, I wanted to share with you a list of some of Amazon's award winning toys that build executive functioning skills, in particular emotional regulation skills. I've had such a great response to my blog post highlighting 3 popular executive functioning activities, that I thought you might be wanting some more as we head into the holiday season. I'm planning to share several posts over the  next several weeks that will help you as you begin your holiday shopping. 

First up is the area of emotional regulation skills. This is such an important area of executive functioning.  Learning to control and manage your emotions is so important not only for making friends but also for overall success in life as well as long term mental health. 

If you're looking for toys, books and activities that can help build emotional regulation skills look no further than the list below. 







Have you used any of these? I'd love to know your thoughts in the comments if you have. Better yet...do you have a suggestion that I didn't put on the list? Please share that too. 

 Stay tuned for my next post that will showcase toys, books and activities that can help strengthen memory skills. 




*disclaimer: there are affiliate links within this post. Affiliate links allow me to continue to provide free information, tools and resources and help our site. Thank you for supporting us! 
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How NOT to raise capable kids and adults 

3/9/2016

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Parenting is hard. We so want to "do it right" that we sometimes travel down the very unhealthy road of over parenting which without a doubt does the exact opposite of what we want for our kids. Over parenting can lead to incapable kids and adults. Sadly, there are even reports that state how over parenting contributes to mental health issues for our kids as they enter young adulthood and beyond. 

The good news, is that there is still time for you to parent your child in a way that helps them develop skills to be capable at every level of their lives and future adulthood. 

This post isn't about making anyone feel bad about how they've been parenting. Most of the parents who fall into over parenting do it out of love and caring but are so blinded by it, that they can't see how it can completely backfire. This post is also not about guilt. It's about empowering you to recognize when things you're doing may not be creating the result you want... capable kids. 

For this post I'm going to speak about two parenting styles that, research has shown over and over again, are not helpful to kids. If you see yourself in these styles, please just take a step back, take a breath and resist the urge to beat yourself up. Consider it.  Remember, when you know better, you do better. 

In the book How to Raise An Adult: Break Free From The Over Parenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid For Success, author Julie Lythcott-Haims talks about two over-parenting styles: the concierge parent and the enforcer. {all examples below are derived/inspired from Lythcott-Haims' book}.

You might be the concierge parent if you:
  • have called the boarding school/dorm staff about your child not getting enough to eat
  • take your child to school even though the bus comes within a block of your home because they don't like riding the bus
  • complete your child's Science Fair Project for them because you want them to place and not be disappointed
  • rent a place near the college or boarding school "just in case" your child may need something
  • you have a regular schedule of going to the school to do the laundry of your child or they bring it to your rented home/apartment near campus so you can do it/they can do it there
  • you found your recent college graduate their first apartment 
  • written or emailed a professor, dean or teacher to discuss why your child did something they did {failed a test, did poorly on an assignment etc..}
  • spoken FOR your child during an interview for college or boarding school
  • called to remind your {high school, boarding school or college} student about tests, assignments or to wake them up each day
  • proofread your high school or college aged aged students' reports and assignments AND made edits as necessary 
  • complete your high schooler's homework

You might be the enforcer parent if you:
  • have emailed, called or written a school administrator because your child didn't get what you felt they deserved {award, student council etc..}
  • second guess, and voice it to your child, every other authority figure's decision 
  • have completed registration for you college aged student's classes
  • have submitted your child's application to a college or a job without their knowledge or approval
  • called a company to negotiate a pay raise or position of employment for your child
  • attended a career/job fair FOR your child to gather potential leads
  • have taken over a coaching position of your child's team even though you weren't asked to do so

Notice any of these characteristics in your parenting style? If you do, please continue to explore your over parenting tendencies and learn ways to wean yourself away from them so your child will be ready to take on the world as a capable, well adjusted adult when the time comes.

Here are three things you can do today: 

(1) Join the Growing Grit™ Community on Facebook where you'll get to brainstorm, learn and get support from a tribe of parents and professionals {including college professors} who are trying to help kids {and their p
arents} grow into capable adults. 

(2) Subscribe to our newsletter and get parenting tips. Get it delivered to your inbox by subscribing to the newsletter. 

(3) Read the book: How to Raise An Adult: Break Free From The Over Parenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid For Success,

(
4) You can also take a listen to Julie Lythcott Haimes' Ted Talk: How to Raise Successful Kids Without OverParenting.




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Start the Week off Right on Sunday Night

2/5/2016

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Hey guys, in my quest to live out my #onelittleword2016 of INTENTIONAL I'm planning to begin a new habit of a Sunday night routine. We know from research that most people experience some sort of "Sunday Night Blues" at the thought of the impending work/school week. All of the feel good, Easy Like Sunday Morning {for those too young to get this reference click here...it's one of my favorites} vibes are quickly dashed when we begin to recall all of the things we set aside from the previous week. 

There ARE things we can do to lessen the melancholy and stress of Sunday nights and I'd like to help YOU while also working on it myself. Whether you are a parent, professional or student...I'd like to invite you to join me for a Sunday night routine tip. It's simple. Once you join, each Sunday for four consecutive Sundays,  I'll send out a tip/reminder for us all to work on while we build our Sunday night routine.

That's it! 

I hope you'll join me so we can support one another on forming this new habit together. Strength in numbers, right? Just click below to join me. 



CLICK HERE to join the Sunday Tip List


​I'm curious. Do you already have a Sunday night routine? Please share in the comments. I'd love to know what you do to start your week off right. 
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Inattentive ADD: 4 common symptoms

1/19/2016

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When my daughter was in elementary school {she is now a teen}, I remember approaching her third grade teacher with concerns about Attention Deficit Disorder. Because my daughter was a good student, very quiet and not falling out of her chair... her teacher, someone I really respected as an educator, looked at me like I had three heads because I had uttered the ADD word. I was flabbergasted that someone who was so gifted and respected as an educator could be so unaware of the common signs of Inattentive ADD. My experience was unfortunately the same response that many parents get when they approach teachers  with attention concerns {without hyperactivity}. This is especially common for parents of girls who exhibit symptoms. 

If you feel like there are possible signs of inattentive ADD with your child {especially your daughter} this post will help you learn some of the most common symptoms associated with this type of ADD.  


​4 Common Symptoms of Inattentive ADD
 


  1. Trouble getting started on tasks-Students with inattentive ADD just can't seem to motivate themselves to begin things. If you find yourself repeating and repeating and repeating yourself  {AKA...nagging} about EVERYTHING your child needs to do, your child may be struggling with the executive functioning skill of task initiation. They simply can't "see" how to get started with a task and so they don't. Yes, getting started on school work seems simple to you, but something as simple as completing a worksheet involves many steps. This task has multiple steps: getting the worksheet from the backpack, finding a pencil, sitting down to actually do the worksheet and finally putting it back into the backpack. 
  2. Trouble sticking with a task to completion-Students with inattentive ADD, once they get started on a task, will often abandon the task or project after a short time. They have trouble with the executive functioning skill of sustained attention.  Why? There can be several reasons but one of the most common is that they simply get distracted by something else. It is difficult for them to filter out sensory stimuli to focus in on the task at hand for a long period of time. 
  3. Disorganized-Students with Inattentive ADD are often the kids that have papers overflowing from their backpack, forget to turn in completed homework, forget to bring books home and more! For some, especially girls, it may not be as noticeable at first. My daughter was able to keep her papers "neat" {she put all papers in her folder} but did not take the time to put her papers into the correct place in the folders/binders.. 
  4.  Anxiety-. Often these students know that they are internally disorganized  {from past experiences} and fear they will forget something or misplace something. They remember the unpleasant consequences and so anxiety becomes part of the cycle. This was very true for my daughter. She walked around in an almost constant state of fear because she had forgotten something once and was deeply embarrassed that she had to call home.  These students often know they are having difficulty but don't know how to express it and so the anxiety takes hold. 

When I noticed that my daughter was struggling with these symptoms, I began to use strategies that would help her develop her executive functioning skills and find success.  One of my favorite resources, at that time, was Impact ADHD. Because Elaine and Diane are parents to children who struggle with executive functioning skills, they were able to create tools for parents and students that REALLY work. It was through their training programs and very informative newsletter I was able to find ways to tweak my parenting that immediately lessened the stress for both my daughter and I.


Your assignment this week: Click the button below to sign up for the Impact ADHD FREE Webinar: From Chaos to Calm on January 27th! 
SIGN UP FOR THE WEBINAR

​Remember that I always love to hear from you in the comments. Tell me, have you noticed the above symptoms in your child or yourself? How did you handle it? 
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Five FUN tools to help your student manage their life

1/5/2016

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Do you remember what it was like to return to school after the holiday break? The dread. The anxiety. I remember it well...just kidding, I LOVED school and always looked forward to returning to school because it meant I got new school supplies! I'm still that way. For many students however, the winter/spring semester can be a hard one. They are consumed with negative thoughts which doesn't lend itself well to a successful return to school/new semester. 

This blog post will show you five tools that will help your student better manage their life. Tools that are not only super fun to use but also a great way to easily begin new habits that will last a lifetime.  
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​1.  Perforated Now/Later Notepad. A great way to keep the "to do list" visible for quicker action. It also ensures that the "to do list" is in ONE place and not scattered about on sticky notes. Another feature is that it helps students begin to prioritize tasks at the most basic level. No more "I forgot!" 
2. Today's Plan of Attack Notepad. Once your student has their master to do list set , they can use this notepad to plan and prioritize each item of each task and their day. Using this method keeps them focused on THE most important tasks that they need to complete. Less procrastination! 
3. This Week Note Pad.  Another great step in life management for students, is to lay out an entire week at a time. Having a full week visible can alleviate the anxiety many students feel when they feel like they have "no time" to get everything done. Better time management! 
4. Make a Decision Note Pad. Students can sometimes be paralyzed by having to make decisions-especially since mom and dad aren't right there to help them process options. This little gem walks them through the process in a fun, but truly helpful way. Self sufficiency at it's best! 
5. Colorful G2 Gel Pens. Colorful FUN pens are a must for students to keep them engaged with the tedious nature of the daily routine. These pens are very smooth to write with and won't smear like so many others. You can also refill them! Just plain FUN. 

Aren't these a fun set of tools? I simply adore them because if tools aren't fun and easy to use...students won't use them. I have yet to have a student fail to use at least one of these on a regular basis. 


Your assignment this week: Tell me in the comments about a tool that you will purchase for your student(s}. Don't have one? Tell me which one the above tools you like and will purchase for yourself. 

​Jennifer

Remember to join my newsletter if you want even more ideas like these!


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**This post contains affiliate links.  
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What's the word? #onelittleword2016

12/31/2015

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Happy New Year! 

In just a few short minutes, I'm headed out the door with my husband for a few hours of couple time {running errands but I hope to get a Bloody Mary out of it!} and gathering some things for our NYE 2015. We have plans to spend our NYE, as usual, in the comfiness of home. Earlier today, I informed everyone that they need to have their #onelittleword ready to go for our festivities tonight because I want to share them. 

The intention of this post is to encourage you to join with me in choosing ONE word that will be your focus for 2016. Instead of resolutions, you focus on the one word and bringing it to every part of your life. You can read more about it here. 

As you can see by the large graphic above...my #onelittleword2016 is INTENTIONAL. My focus will be on bringing intention to each and every part of my life. 

Your assignment: Pick a word and join me! SHARE IT IN THE COMMENTS. 
I'm looking forward to reading all of your words. 

Jennifer

P.S Would you like to get more ideas on how to live out your word for 2016? Join my newsletter as I'll be talking about this throughout the year. 





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3 Ways To Help Students Overcome Perfectionism

12/14/2015

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If you're dealing with a student who seems paralyzed by certain assignments, has emotional breakdowns when they get anything lower than perfect or suffer from school related anxiety or depression this post is for you. 

In this post, I'll be sharing 3 ways to help a student overcome their perfectionism. Before I share the three tips, I want to let you in on a little secret.

.I'm a recovering perfectionist.  

I still mindfully practice each of the tips I'm about to share with you. I never thought that I'd say I now look at my perfectionism, over the years, as being a blessing.  Now that I've helped so many students overcome it I can honestly say that I do. Being able to share that I understand and still know what it's
like to want everything to be perfect, allows me to connect with my clients on a much deeper level than someone who hasn't known the struggle.  Because I've been there and overcome it, I know just how to help them. 

When I'm working with a student who is struggling with perfectionism, these three tips are where we begin and they all center on a main theme of changing MINDSET about mistakes. 

(1) Encourage and celebrate mistakes-
as a parent, try to highlight what your child did RIGHT and not just focus on the grade {"you go them ALL correct"}  or the mistakes {"WOW! You really bombed this time!"}. Try to find the happy medium. Don't make great performance a big deal. If your child is really struggling with a lower grade talk about how mistakes help us learn. Share that mistakes are the ONLY way we learn. Trial and ERROR. Encourage them to talk about the mistakes that they made on the assignment. Then it doesn't seem like it's such a burden. One of the things I do with my coaching clients is to ask them to share a mistake they've made since our last session. I then ask them how they turned the situation around or plan to for next time. We OPENLY talk about mistakes which is initially VERY hard for them but once we've done it a few times, they actually can't wait to share. It's freeing for them. It begins to loosen the hold of needing things to be perfect all of the time. 

(2) Make sure students have realistic goals {and have set them themselves}-this is a very important factor. Many times, the student has set goals that are simply too lofty for their stage in life or their ability at the time. Often, the goal was not set by them but by their parents. Sometimes, they fear disappointing their parents so much that they choose goals for themselves that they think their PARENT wants them to achieve. This pattern is a recipe that creates and allows perfectionism to take hold. Students must learn to accurately assess their ability and match their goals accordingly. Otherwise, they are constantly feeling like they don't measure up which is exactly what allows perfectionism to seep into their every thought.


(3) Study models of successful people who have made mistakes along the way-the more you bring awareness to the idea of finding success through mistakes, the easier it is for a student to begin to see the benefit and begin to apply this mindset to their own life. Take a trip around Pinterest or Facebook and you're sure to find the infographic with Michael Jordan and other famous names who share their blunders and how they still ended up wildly successful. If you're a parent, openly share about mistakes you've made and how it impacted you in a positive way over time because you learned something. Even if it didn't impact you in a positive way at first, share some of the details {no need for T.M.I here...} with your child so they can see there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

Your "Take Action" for this week...

Try the above activity of openly sharing mistakes with one another. Perhaps, if you get to eat dinner together, you could go around the table and each share something. Make it work for you and your family. I PROMISE it will get easier and easier to share because mindset will be changing. If this is too difficult, writing it in a journal for only your eyes to see can be a great first step. 


One more thing in the comments below... Do you, or have you, struggled with perfectionism? 

Time to set yourself free!!!!!

Jennifer


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P.S If you liked this post and found it helpful, would you please share it with your friends? You can do it using one of the social media buttons on this page. Also, if you'd like to hear a little more from me {like in your inbox once a week or so} I'd love to have you join my newsletter. 






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Why Students Procrastinate

11/20/2015

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A few weeks ago while working with one of my Academic Coaching Clients, he said an interesting thing.  He said "my parents think that I don't complete things on purpose but I really don't. I don't intentionally say to myself that I'm not going to do this or that. I just don't do it. Many times, I don't know  why I don't do something. I think I'm going to. I say that I'm going to and then it doesn't get done."

Sound familiar? 

There can be many reasons that things don't get done. Most of the time, it's FEAR {fear of failing, judgement, looking "less than." }.  If something doesn't get done...nobody can judge you on it, right? I've had students tell me this straight up;

"No Jennifer, I can't turn that paper in late because then the teacher will be judging me." So, it's easier in their mind to just let it go and never turn it in.

"No Jennifer, I can't go talk to the professor about that because then they'd know that I don't understand or they'll think that I'm stupid." So, they don't ever take control of their learning experience and advocate for themselves.

"No Jennifer, I'm not going to find a tutor  to help me with my math because if I do and put in the time and still do poorly on the test...I'm a lost cause." So, they just continue to allow the stress and fear build and never take control of the situation which only allows this cycle to become further engrained,

In coaching sessions, when I'm working with a student who procrastinates, doesn't turn in assignments, doesn't talk to professors/teachers or just doesn't get things done... we spend A LOT of time teasing out the reason(s) WHY. Sure it would be easy to just TELL them what to do... use this tool....just turn in the darned
assignment...just go talk to the professor...just go to the help session for math. That's not my style though. My style is to get down and dirty in the trenches with the WHY so they can understand WHY they do what they do, recognize it in the future and CHANGE THEIR BEHAVIOR. 

So, the moral of this story? The next time you find yourself procrastinating on something ask yourself WHY. Be honest with yourself. What are you afraid of? Then, ask yourself "What is the WORST thing that could happen here?" Once you realize that nothing you are imagining is really all that bad on the scale of life events, set your time management tools in motion and get crack-a-lackin'. Each time you face the fear, it gets easier and easier and easier. 


If you need a one on one pep talk, I'm here. 

Do you procrastinate or leave things unfinished? Why? I'd love to hear. Leave me a comment.

Jennifer 
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An Easy Tool to Relieve Test Anxiety for Students

11/3/2015

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Pounding heart.
Sweaty palms.
Weight on your chest. 
MIND goes BLANK.


Sound familiar? Anxiety for many students is the reason for their underperformance. It's understandable  with all of the pressures to get into "THE" college, participate in just the "right" activities, have the "best" grades while also handling a job. Stress and anxiety for students are at all time highs and research shows us that they lack the tools to manage. 

In my Academic Life Coaching practice, helping students manage their anxiety is a large part of what I do. When we begin to tease out WHY they are struggling with assignments, tests, beginning projects, managing time, anxiety is the culprit lurking in the shadows like a dark mist they don't even know is there. It infiltrates their thoughts and their ability to breathe properly which is catastrophic.

Here is an easy, discrete tool that I recommend for students dealing with not only test anxiety but overall performance anxiety.  
Breath is life.  Take some time to focus on your breathing, not just during stressful times, but throughout your day. Be mindful of your breath. Over time, your breathing will remain in a calm  zone even during stressful times. 

What works for you when you are stressed during a test or performance? I'd love to know. Shoot me an email or comment on this post. 

Jennifer


*****If you're looking for more easy ways to help manage stress and perform at your personal best, check out my ​ ​time management tools for students, online course. 
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3 EASY Time Management Tips for Students

10/26/2015

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One of the most common questions that I am asked by students, parents and professors is how can I help students manage their time better?  It seems this is the biggest issue that keeps students from achieving and parents and professors getting more frustrated by the minute. 

Over my career, I've coached many students {and some adults} with poor time management skills and the following tips are the ones that provide the most bang for the buck. If you don't want to invest a lot of time {no pun intended} into learning a full blown time management routine, then this is the place to begin. 

(1)  Teach Yourself to Tell Time Again- People who are poor time managers are poor time estimators. Why? Because they lack, or have distorted,  time tables in their minds. Basically, they under or overestimate the time it takes  to complete tasks OR they simply have not even thought about how much time a task tasks. 

Action Step: For the next week, write down ALL of your tasks, {driving, morning routine, homework {break it down by task}, eating,  email etc. }, estimate the time you THINK it will take you to complete it, time yourself during the activity and then record the actual time. Compare the results when you are done. Not only will this make you more aware of where your time table is "off" but also will help you build a proper time table for your most common activities. 

(2) Plan To Be Early-People who are poor time managers are rarely early with anything. They skid in right at the start time or after an event has begun. This also applies to projects and studying for tests. To be an excellent time manager, you must leave time for what I call life contingencies {sickness, slow cars, trains, emergencies, last minute events, printer running out of ink etc.}. 

Action Step: Trick your brain into thinking that the time you need to be somewhere or complete a task is earlier than you think. For actual events I recommend padding in an extra 15 minutes. For projects and studying for tests, I recommend moving your "due date" up by two days. 

(3) Develop A Routine-People who are poor time managers rarely follow any type of routine or habits. They fly by the seat of their pants and it shows. When highly successful students and individuals share their secrets to success, they will almost always say that they have a strong daily routine. 

Action Step: Create a morning and evening routine to follow. Be disciplined about following it each and every day. Sound too overwhelming? Try just one or the other to begin and then add the other. Watch how effortlessly managing your time each day becomes! 

Like this post and want even more tips on how to manage your time more effectively? Sign up for my FREE webinar Time Management Tools for Students. 

Just have a question for me about one of the tips I shared above?
Let's talk! 


Jennifer

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