 Look familiar?
If you have a picky, selective or finicky eater I'm sure it looks ALL too familiar. Rest assured, you are not alone.
One of the most important things I do as a feeding therapist is to help families bring peace back to the table while we are working on whatever issues are causing the picky eating.
No matter the reason for the picky eating, we must begin to repair the damage that has been done from months or years of mealtime battles.
So, how do we even begin to bring the trust and peace back to the table?
By setting boundaries for both the child AND the parent.
Boundaries, when used appropriately, are very effective with picky eaters because they allow the picky eater to learn what will be expected of them at the table {which will be very different than the past} AND it allows the parent to relax and focus on something other than how many bites their child is taking at the table. After some time {it will vary for each individual child/family} there will be far fewer battles at the table and the child will be adding to their food acceptance list.
So, how do we set boundaries?
First, we always make sure that there is a food or two on the table that the child WILL eat
~YES, this means that it may only be crackers, bread, milk or water.
Next, we are NOT ALLOWED to say "take a bite, try this, smell this, just two more bites" etc...we do not comment on each other's plates or choices. We simply enjoy the meal.
~YES, this WILL be difficult. Go with it. TRUST the new boundaries. EVERYONE in the household or at the mealtime should be respecting these boundaries.
Next, when/if the child begins to say "I won't eat that. I don't want that" you are firm and clear in your answer without giving too much attention to it. Say "That's fine. Choose something you'd like." {because there is ALWAYS something on the table they like}. Let me be clear here...you are NOT becoming a short order cook and fixing whatever the child likes that day. You are simply always having something on the table they WILL eat. Something as easy as milk, crackers, bread etc.. The picky eater must learn that it is fine to not want or try something on the table , but they will not be indulged with whatever they want {short order cooking}. Further, they will learn that there will not be a battle at the table because there IS something they like on the table. It is recommended that you are on a consistent meal/snack schedule so the child has an opportunity to eat again within a reasonable amount of time.
Finally, you follow these boundaries for EVERY meal. You follow these boundaries even when you don't see changes immediately. Trust takes time and many children and families have had such a horrendous experience with food and mealtime that it will take time to rebuild trust and repair their relationship with food.
Be patient.
THIS is where we must begin. We can not move forward with treating picky eating if we can not rebuild the trust around food. The only way to do this is by setting respectful and clear boundaries for both the child and the parents.
If you need more information on learning how to set clear and respectful boundaries at your table, please contact me.
Jen
Can you believe these pictures were done by the same child only TEN MINUTES apart? I'm not kidding! By implementing an easy coloring play sequence the child was able to produce a more appropriate coloring response. This technique is especially helpful for those on the Autism spectrum and/or those with Executive Functioning Delays.Before I jump in to giving you the details on how to get the same results, I want to explain WHY some children have difficulties with coloring. Most often, children have difficulties for the following reasons;- Can't see the end of the "task."
- Don't see the "plan."
- Lack the executive functioning ability {in particular the mental/cognitive flexibility} to color whatever item is presented.
- Motor Skill delays {although I'll tell you that the child here does have fine motor delays and still was able to produce a great, age appropriate picture}.
A coloring play sequence gives them the boundaries, cues and plan that they need to accomplish the task. It also begins to lay the foundation for FUTURE coloring tasks by forming new neural pathways with regard to coloring. Now, how to implement right? Perhaps the most important thing before getting started is picture selection. Make sure that your picture isn't "busy." Choose a picture that has large and fewer coloring items. - First, outline the parts of the pictures in appropriate colors using crayon or marker
- Second, lay out ONLY the colors of crayons that you have used to outline
- Third, present the picture with little instruction. Best would be "color the picture" or "match the colors"
- Fourth, discourage an "I'm done" response after each portion is completed {we'll talk more about this common response at another time}
As the child gets better with completing a page independently, you can begin to fade the cues by outling one or two less parts of the picture and see how they do. If they begin to scribble then it's too early and you need to put the outline back in place.As the child gets better at the coloring play sequence, continue to fade the cues and perhaps place more colors out for them to see if they will stick with the "plan" of selecting the outline colors. Over time, the child WILL be able to color a complete picture without outlining first. The key? Patience and not taking away those supports too soon. Remember...supports and cues are like glasses. We use the tool to help us see. When we can see, we surely wouldn't take those glasses away, right? As always thanks for reading and until next time keep helping your kiddos BLOOM!Jen
Shhh. Don't tell my husband that I'm actually doing "work" while we are on our summer trip. I couldn't help it though...
While browsing Facebook one morning, from the porch of our cabin, I came upon a phenomenal Olympic Craft posted by www.nobiggie.net and as I sat pondering how cool it was, I came up with a way to use it for our Picky Eater Olympic unit. Before I fill you in on the details though...take a look at this awesome idea from Nobiggie (and make sure you stop by their blog and share some love with them when you get the directions). Now, once you get this awesome craft completed and after you have talked about the significance of these rings (a language lesson bonus!) you can head out to the garden, local Farmer's Market, favorite grocery store or your very own kitchen to find some foods to sort, by color, into the jars (another language bonus!).
An even better idea, and to take the lesson even further, you can search the internet for some foods you haven't tried before, make your Olympic Food Ring list and head out to find the new foods.
Another idea (I'm full of them!) you can try is to first sort the foods,whole, into their respective colored jars. Next, you could then cut the foods into smaller pieces and then sort the pieces into jars. This step gives your picky eater an entirely different visual, tactile and olfactory sensory experience AND it just might make them more likely to try the food. They will have the juice on their fingers and see how the food behaves before ever getting it near their mouth.
NOW...PAY ATTENTION here....the goal of the lesson is NOT to get the food into your child's mouth (I know, I know but trust me on this one). The goal is to give your child some more experience with new foods WITHOUT going to the mouth FIRST.
Be patient my friends and go slowly...have fun and you just might be rewarded with a TRULY Olympic experience when your picky eater actually tries, and likes, one of these new foods.
Thanks for reading...stay tuned for another Picky Eater Olympic post SOON.
Jen
So I find myself answering this question ALOT lately. I also find that I'm hearing more people say "oh, everybody is getting some diagnosis of something or other", "everybody is 'on the spectrum now', "I don't want my child labeled", "I don't want my child to 'become' the diagnosis", "what difference does it make if we put on paper 'what' a child has?".......Whew, makes my head spin. I know it might surprise you, but sometimes when I hear these things (depending on who is saying them or where I am) I just let the statement go without comment....SURPRISED? I bet, especially for those who know me really well! :) Anyway, sometimes it just isn't worth getting into the meat of the matter with someone. The times I will ALWAYS answer or make my opinions known is when I'm asked by a parent who has just been told that I, or some other professional, thinks that their child may indeed have __________. So here, in no certain order, are my answers....(1) a diagnosis gives us "someplace to go" a "map" if you will. It allows us to move forward thoughtfully, with a goal in mind without having to "wonder" what is wrong or what treatment techniques will work (2) a diagnosis gives families support...much needed support. I was told once,by one of my parents whose child has Down Syndrome, that going to the Down Syndrome support group gave them "hope." Seeing children at various ages and stages of the diagnosis allowed them to set reasonable goals for their child AND gave them "hope" for the future. It alleviated anxiety! Imagine that! A diagnosis alleviating anxiety...(3) a diagnosis gives those working with our children more information on how to teach them, coach them and HELP them. It DOES NOT limit them as one initially thinks. For example (borrowed from a real life example of a friend who is a coach) as a coach, knowing that a child has a diagnosis of Autism may actually help that child reach their FULL potential as a ball player etc..HOW ? because the coach KNOWS how to help them then. They would KNOW that they would need to prepare them for changes, explain plays in a different ways, teach new skills in a different way etc....by keeping this a "secret" from a coach you MAY actually be doing more harm than good and keeping your child from having a positive experience in a "typical" peer group activity (something that children on the Spectrum SO desperately need). (4)a diagnosis CAN offer financial support. For many of our children, therapy is an ongoing and MAJOR expense. Insurance companies are more likely to pay for therapy services if there is a diagnosis. (5) a diagnosis, as our children grow, gives THEM understanding of what makes them tick. It allows THEM to navigate more appropriately and easily. It helps them know their limitations and their strengths.
Certainly not an exhaustive list but these are some of my top reasons why a diagnosis needs to be made. My hope is that eventually, we see a diagnosis as a positive thing and not a negative thing. I think education is the key and I certainly will do my part to try to make this a reality. My hope is that we will become more comfortable and accepting of a diagnosis and see the POSSIBILITIES it offers us instead of the IMpossibilities.
I find myself needing to remind people that sometimes.....even if we are well meaning and have some experience in certain areas, that we should just leave well enough alone or refer to the "expert."
Case in point. I found that part of my job yesterday was "damage control" because of something a well meaning but non-SLP said to a family regarding their child's speech and language skills. What initially, for the family, was cause for concern and a sleepless night turned out to be a celebration after we spoke. One of the many things I LOVE about my job. The giver of the initial information was not trying to cause this family anxiety and I truly believe that they thought they were correct BUT in the end they were VERY incorrect and caused needless anxiety for my family.
I know we can't stop situations such as this from happening BUT we can try to become more responsible professionals and more responsible consumers by going to the "expert" and not accepting information as truth if it doesn't come from the person who is trained in that area.
As a professional that has worked on countless pediatric therapy teams...I may THINK I know what a child needs in terms of core support for feeding because I've dealt with this issue on other teams, with other therapists and perhaps with my own child BUT I should NOT suggest or state as fact that "this is what you need to do" because it is NOT my area of expertise. I should say "check with your child's physical therapist to see what they would recommend for increasing core support." ALWAYS defer to the expert in that area. This is ESPECIALLY true when "labeling" certain behaviors ("So and so did things like that and they have Autism") and stating age levels ("oh well, my child does the same thing and we were told that her language age is ______"). As an SLP, with many years under my belt of evaluation and treatment I STILL need to refer to my evaluation materials to get accurate age levels and I'm the "expert!"
In this time of being inundated with information from the internet, books and friends we must still remember that there are specialized professionals for a reason. Even IF you think someone may be on to an answer when they suggest something.....ALWAYS go to the expert/professional in that area to confirm or deny that information. Further as professionals(especially those who work on "teams" with other disciplines) we MUST, even if we have seen it a thousand times, DEFER to the professional who treats the condition or we risk a situation as I shared above.
My personal favorites????? "he'll eat when he wants to" "oh, my brother didn't talk until he was 5 and he's fine" "oh, she's just a pointer and grunter kind of child."
Bottom line.....BE A RESPONSIBLE COMMUNICATOR WHETHER YOU ARE THE GIVER OR RECEIVER OF INFORMATION.
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